It's been a whole West Pauper since I left work.
I’ve listened to the whole of West Pauper Lunatic Asylum by Kasabian and I’m a quarter of the way home. Wow. If I manage to finish Velociraptor before I get home…double wow.
Dear Standstill Traffic,
Fuck Off. Twat. With all my hate Me
I want a Thunderbolt Hard-Drive.
That is all.
Looking through old photos whilst clearing out the...
The nostalgia is beautiful. I might have been weird taking photos of the most insignificant things but the memories are priceless.
When I say, “I love you,” it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have...– Joss Whedon (via ikenbot) …well Joss…this. So much of this. So much.
...I actually just watched William Shatner...
On the list of things I thought I’d see this year… This was not present.
Now is good.
Anticipation: Boxes are ready. Basic furnishings are ready. I am ready. This will suffice. Let's go.
Reality: But the bank-
Anticipation: FUCK THE BANK, LET'S GO.
Reality: But you don't have the key-
Anticipation: I DON'T NEED IT.
Reality: ...I think you do.
Anticipation: ...We'll think about that when we get there.
Reality: I don't think that's a good ide-
Anticipation: FUCK YOU, I'M OUT OF HERE
Reality: ...Ok...don't think you needed me anyway.
Oh lovely, your car has started. NOW DRIVE AWAY.
I don’t want to hear the sound of your engine running constantly. Neither does the global fuel shortage.
All of life and human relations have become so incomprehensibly complex that,...– Anton Chekhov (via morvencann) Anton. I know that feel.
I've just run out of Percy Pigs. Oh god.
Oh god oh god. Fuck. … I need some. Now. NOW. AAAARGH. … someone send me to Percy Rehab.
Yeah it's really hot. I'm still making a pot of...
“Got any eggs?” “Yeah just there in the chiller” … “No not those.” Oh are Free Range Eggs are too liberal for you? Bless. “I’m afraid we’re all out of the other ones, that’s all we have right now.” “No no no, it’s fine. I shall just have to get them at Tesco.” Shame they don’t sell integrity...
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE???
Why are you buying Prawn Crackers at 8.25am?? Why do you not seem to require breakfast??? WHY????
Reading the Guardian Guide, when...
…I look up to find a strange man shoving 90p in my face. I take it. He leaves without a word. He bought the Daily Mail. Earlier, a man all but threw 90p onto the counter and then walked out without a word, whilst I picked it up and put it away. I looked at what he was carrying out. It was the Daily Mail. What I’m doing here is compiling piles of irrefutable evidence that the...
Iiiiiiiiiit's HILARIOUS CUSTOMER TIME!
8am. Back in the shop. “You look like you’ve just surfaced!” said the local funny man. Really? Do I? You look like you’ve just asked to be tied to the tree outside in direct sunlight so you burn to a crisp by 2pm. Ha. Ha. Ha. Sister brings in breakfast. No customers. Sit down with the Guardian. Open the front page. Pick up cup of tea. 5 customers. As one is at the...
I'm assuming the London Olympics will have...